• alt="" data-uk-cover="" />

    All-Centennial Team

  • alt="" data-uk-cover="" />

  • alt="" data-uk-cover="" />

    Stanley Cup Champs

    Breakdown! Bruins v. Sabres or: When Betas Pretend to be Alphas

    Remember back in high school when you were in the A/V club and you spent every other weeknight filming school board meetings and town halls? When the kids in the upper echelon of high school society found out, man, they ragged on you something fierce until you were forced to craft a new persona as a moody writer who would rather spent his time writing esoteric poetry and had zero interest in editing hours of analog footage for community television. This persona may have worked well with the ladies for the duration of high school but inside you felt cold and dead. 


    Yeah. Me either. 

    But if you did, a moody writer might be able to craft a shaky metaphor around your cold dead heart and the Buffalo Sabres. With those cheeky bastards coming to town, images of Don Corleone bitch slapping Johnny Fontaine come directly to mind. Boston took last years series against the Sabres 4-1-1. Now Buffalo has decided to take on a new persona for the 2013 season. The days of the speedy and agile almost-Canadian team are over. 

    Long live the intimidating bruisers the Buffalo Sabres have become! 

    Fortunately for future generations of Sabres fans (and Bruins fans alike) who will most certainly wonder how the NHL looked before Buffalo became the baddest team in the NHL, we have the exact moment Buffalo hit bottom and took on the moniker of "bitches" by everyone and anyone who had watched hockey, ever, on film.

     Let's watch: 

    John Scott rearranges Kevin Westgarth's face
    So Ryan Miller gets Corleone'd by Milian Lucic and hockey fans around the world have a great big belly laugh about it. Sabres management apparently does not see the humor. So, to get tougher, Darcy Regier goes out and signs John "Big" Scott, a man who is less of a hockey player more of that guy at that bar, shit-housed, looking to fight anyone for any reason. Scott being present at tonight's game brings an interesting dynamic. Scott and Shawn Thornton have a bit of a history. In a 2011 game with the Blackhawks, Thornton was knocked down behind the net and caught a skate blade an inch or two above his right eye. Being the man who he is, Thornton gets up off the ice, his face pissing blood, and heads to the dressing room. As Thornton gets to the bench, John Scott (a healthy scratch that game) started chirping at Thornton. Needless to say, number 22 did not take kindly and attempted to fight the entire Blackhawks Bench while holding his face on with a rag. With "Big" John Scott now a member of the Sabres, expect a gentlemanly exchange of words between he and Thornton tonight. 
    Shawn Thornton: He is Legend

    The signing that has solidified Buffalo's step into false Alphadom is the always classy Steve Ott. This guy is the epitome of scumbaggery. As a member of the Dallas Stars in 2008, Ott left the ice and delivered a high hit to his now teammate, Jordan Leopold, and served a three game suspension. A year later this guy gouges the eyes of Anaheim winger Travis Moen. Ott claimed it was "accidental". (Does that mean when Thornton or Campbell hand Ott his ass tonight we can call it accidental?) Yes, every team needs an instigator. It's a necessary part of the sport and I appreciate that. But Steve Ott is like Brad Marchand with a chin strap goatee and a hat with the sticker still on the brim. 

    As the Boston Bruins have claimed first place in the northeast division and Buffalo has settled comfortably into last, tonight's game will be the first of five chances for the Sabres to show the hockey world they have become a team of gritty tough guys who will not roll over to the Big Bad Bruins. But the odds are stacked pretty high. Buffalo is coming in with a 47% success rate in face offs, the worst in the NHL, against Boston's 60.7%, the best in the NHL. Ryan Miller is letting in 2.37 goals on average while Tuukka is letting just over goal and a half get by per game.The Bruins put on their big boy pants everyday and I'm pretty sure Ryan Miller wears floral blouses and skinny jeans.Unfortunately for Buffalo, if they do lean towards a more physical game, it will backfire. The Bruins are built for games like the one the Sabres are going to try and bring tonight. 

    But one thing is for sure: The black and gold better keep their heads on a swivel. 
    That's what you gotta do when you find yourself in a vicious cock fight.